|
Smart Parenting Guide: Raising Happy and
Responsible Children in the 21st Century
Introduction
“Mommy, how come these little ones get away with
things many didn’t when they were that age?” is the usual
complaint of the eldest children. They were referring – not to
their first brother, who was just a few years younger -- but to
the next “batch” of siblings – a boy or a girl who came about
ten years later.
As parents, you
do try not to play favorites and be consistent as possible.
However, that eldest child, indeed, had reason to complain.
“Well son, it’s because your parents have learned a few things
as you were growing up. You must understand. Your parents never
had any kids before you so they made a few mistakes with you” is
probably the usual explanation.
“So I am the
guinea pig! Why was I born first?” will probably be exclaimed,
with a smile.
If you read Dr.
Spock from cover to cover, you will probably be unconvinced
about sparing the rod. Didn’t that generation produce the
juvenile delinquents? You didn’t follow the “wait ‘til your
father gets home” practice either. Very young children tend to
forget what they are being punished for when you postpone it.
Besides, it is assured that you do not want them to have an
image of a father as “the executioner” just as you dislike the
sermons of the old about mortal sin and hell-fire.
That doesn’t
mean you should spank them for every little thing. If talking to
them or sending them to their room doesn’t work, then the
slippers will convince them that you mean business. For graver
offenses, it’s the belt, no TV, no telephone, no parties
(“grounded”), or no allowance – whichever is effective at that
point in time, upon consultation with your spouse, their other
parent, of course.
You should avoid spanking as much as possible. You can
even try classical music to calm the warring preschoolers.
Result: they will fall asleep. They will probably say, “No
wonder I hate classical music!” when they learn about your trick
when they were small.
The main thing
a child should understand is to know what he or she did wrong.
No amount of punishment can correct behavior if the child is not
aware of his or her mistake. And the best thing to achieve this
is to take the child aside and talk to him or her calmly. If the
child is ranting and raving like the Incredible Hulk, it is
useless to talk to him or her. That’s when you send your child
to his or her room.
“Come out when
you’re not ‘Hulk’ anymore and we will talk”. More often than
not, they fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion.
This is one of
the mistakes you can have with your eldest child. When he or she
has tantrums, you will probably shout back at him or her. “If
you don’t stop, you will stand in the corner!” If you don’t want
to spank him or her, one of you could bodily carry the child to
the corner where he or she would wail and wail until somebody
else would rescue him or her. “Come darling, come here.” There
goes your discipline.
It was really
more a punishment for you than for your child. You could summon
your child as quickly as possible but long enough for him or her
to know who is boss. When the kids get bigger, you can’t spank
or make them stand in the corner anymore. Also, they are getting
to be too tall for you. They could be menacing. They are onto
one another like a cat and a dog. And you would be the referee
pushing two ferocious gladiators away.
But that is
merely a phase. With patience, understanding, and firm guidance,
the kids will outgrow it. The only problem with too many kids is
that when one starts outgrowing a phase, another gets into it.
But you’ve already had a few years’ rest, so with this second
batch, you know more or less what to expect.
According to
knowledge gathered from those who have been parents for twenty
years, the various phases that you have observed in your
children so far are: first, tantrums at age two. These are
really manifestations of frustrations at the many things they
found they could not do – until they discover tantrums do not
work; slow eating from two to three, an effect of weaning from
the bottle and a certain wariness at discovering different
tastes; quarrelsome from seven to twelve, as a way of asserting
their individuality; sensitiveness/secretiveness from twelve to
fifteen as they begin to discover their sense of privacy. Also
there is a general distraction and carelessness in their studies
when they begin to discover the opposite sex. It’s smooth
sailing from sixteen onwards.
Table of
Contents
Ebooks:
Smart Parenting Guide: Raising Happy and Responsible Children in the 21st
Century
Gentle Measures in the Management and
Training of the Young by Jacob Abbott
Parenting News:
[an error occurred while processing this directive]
 |
